It’s honestly a little scary putting myself out there on YouTube. But I know that there’s my inner spark, my spirit, that I will always keep sacred to myself. No one will ever know me better than I know myself. I enjoy knowing that. I also enjoy flying in the face of my fears. I think there’s a happy medium between the two ends of that spectrum.
It feels risky to be on display while shedding one’s skin. This process isn’t glamorous. Change on this scale takes hard work and boatloads of courage.
I push myself hard and sometimes I feel a bit terrified, but then everything seems to click into place… and I arrive at a creative impulse that springs from gratitude and inspiration. That’s how I know I’m on the right track. Unfortunately, I know no subject or person better than I know myself. I speak of my experiences and lessons learned because that is all I can speak on with authority (for now). I am all I have to give. But not all of me. I get to keep some of myself for me.
I also know that it’s too easy to say or do harmful things with harmful intent when hiding behind a keyboard and screen. Anonymity gives monsters permission to come out and play, sparing the normal self-regulation and consideration of possible consequences that we would normally experience in a public setting. Would we wield our words so cruelly if we had say them while looking our victim in the eyes, in the presence of a large crowd of people who may or may not be our friends, feeling the fullness of their attention? Could we witness the pain we caused, hear the gasps of shock and disgust from some in the crowd, and feel not even a little twinge of regret or misgiving? Are there really so many sociopaths out there, or is this a pathology of the virtual environment?
I’ve seen even the nicest YouTubers with excellent videos (in my opinion) get thumbs’d down and hated on in in the comments, even in incredibly cruel ways. (And for what?) So, I expect that I may get my share. Not everyone is going to like me. Maybe only a few will love me. (I’m already satisfied that enough people love me.) You may recognize something of yourself in me, or I may be completely strange to you. That’s not for me to decide. You decide for you — I’ll decide for me, keep doing my thing, doing my best as defined by me. I know I won’t be able to please everyone, and that’s okay. I will not sacrifice my freedom to be me, and may gently remind others of that when necessary.
If even one viewer watches and learns something or receives inspiration by watching my journey unfold, or if I make a few friends along the way, then well, my sense of purpose will only be affirmed. (Not that it needs affirming.)
I am still only a starry-eyed newbie right now, agog with all the fascinating people I meet and new opportunities that come my way. Hopefully my words and videos will reach those who can see themselves in my efforts to transform my life, and receive some reassurance, inspiration, and sense of community.
As I gain experience and grow as a nomad and sailor, I will provide content that is more topic-oriented and focused. There will be product reviews and how-to’s, and yes, still some journaling, reflection, and storytelling. And hopefully lots more wisdom.
In the sharing of our stories, we realize we are not as alone as we think we are. Although our quests and experiences are unique, our basic human needs are the same — and we could all use a little change.
One thought on “Free To Be Me”
Don’t ever try to be anyone but yourself! I’m so glad I stumbled across your site tonight. Now I’m going to go back and read it all just to see everything I’ve missed. I hope you don’t mind if an old lady lives vicariously thru you. Keep it up. You’re doing fine. Also going to look you up on YouTube.